Life has been a bit chaotic, in a good way, the past several months. A lot of life changes, new people, new adventures. Honestly, it has been wonderful. Over the summer, my daughter became very fond of the movie “Frozen.” The headline song from this Disney film is “Let It Go.” As if I really need to explain that, because unless you’ve been living in a cave, you’ve heard the song. So, as I have listened to Queen Elsa belt out her theme song about a thousand times, I started thinking. What does it mean to truly “let it go?” There is so much in this life that I have had to let go. Some things have been easy, others have been heart-wrenching. Some have been as a result of my own doing. Other times they were situations completely out of my control. In my previous posts, I revealed that when I was young, I had a pretty resolute interpretation about growing up and what it meant to take control of my life. WELL, lets just say many of those ideations have not exactly turned out the way I had pictured. For myself, who is a bit of a control freak, who likes to take charge, who wants to make sure there are no mistakes; the girl who feared disappointing and failing…….letting go has been a challenge.
I have had to let go of people who have hurt me; the guilt of two failed marriages. I had to let go of the embarrassment of loosing pretty much everything I had, including my home. I had to let go of the fear and heartache that I somehow “ruined” my children’s lives by raising them in a “broken” home. I had to face, that I have made mistakes. I had to let go, in order to live. I realize now that during all those years, all those years that I was striving to live, striving to make things right, to do things right, I was never really living. It was in the letting go and stepping outside the box, stepping outside of my comfort zone, challenging myself that I have learned, and am continuing to learn to live. And guess what??? Life is GOOD!
Is life perfect? Not by any means. But, by letting go I have discovered what I can truly do. I still have bad days. I am still in the process of rebuilding what I have lost. That is a continual process, and will never stop. I will never stop striving for more. Not because I am not satisfied, it is because I know there is no obstacle that can stand in my way. I welcome the test now. I do not fear it. The difference is now I have joy in the journey. I have met amazing people who understand me, encourage me, and cheer me on. I have found love again. At a time I had least expected it. My children are the most amazing humans, who are strong despite the challenges they/we have faced. They are smart, courageous, and positive. I only hope they can learn what took me over three decades to learn. To just “Let It Go.”